Revenge+FanFrockingTastic

So I have shared all the tawdry details of my love of turquoise and plum coloured eyeliner, but let’s face it – nothing motives you to take your body back more than being squeezed into a designer frock by a long-suffering sales person eager for a commission.

IN FACT, when you espy yourself in the mirror and you immediately notice all the lumpy parts that need attention you’ll be instantly cured of take-out and beer by the gallon.

It shames me to show you some half-hidden evidence. Too much info will scar you for life here:

Oh dear...

This is what happened to me this week. I was almost instantly cured. I have exercised daily since squeezing into this frock AND my lips have not seen a sneaky calorie that my body does not ABSOLUTELY require to function.

So here I am blogging about it with aching arms and a grumbling stomach but it WILL all be worth it.

Because this is a pseudo-foodie blog, here goes my first tip for a low fat recipe:

Firstly, throw out every morsel of tasty food you own – even if it’s low-fat and delicious (yes such a beast exists) you’ll be tempted to over-eat if it tastes too good.

Boil a chicken breast with some salt and herbs;

Boil some brown rice;

Steam some vegetables;

Wipe the tears off your face and eat your bloody dinner! There are children in Africa who are starving. (Like me, a sort of a child in Africa undergoing a bout of self-induced hunger. Note: I am not trying to sound unsympathetic, I blame low blood sugar.)

Now, just so that you know, I am not aiming to resemble a severe-looking model like those in the frock catalogues. Those girls look unhealthy and probably weigh as much as a malnourished kitten. When you can drape a full-grown woman head-to-knee in a large-sized tank top and her skin is transparent from lack of lustre something just screams toxic to me. The thing is, malnourished model ladies: we can all eat platefuls of chemicals and never sleep and have crisp hair and pray to all the gods that the graphics guy can photoshop you enough to look like you are vital once the deed is done.

But I digress. Over the last three years I have gained around one and a half a dress size due to a knee-injury, a fondness for sitting on my rear and reading novels and of course, cooking. Cooking and eating out, a lot. Daily even, sometimes.

So here I am, on the cusp of things, ready to free-weight, static cycle, swim and ride and Special K my way to a healthier self. I’ll walk for breast cancer, starving children, education, saving the rhinos – you name it.

Now, if I can just get off the couch…